Real World Nosgoth
by Kains Dark Angel
Summary: ok so now i have rated it PG-13 because it isn't rater R content....yet.. well please R&R i worked really hard on this!
1. Default Chapter

The Real World: Nosgoth

Disclaimer: All characters associated with Legacy of Kain do not belong to us

Intro- One day a couple of vampires were watching The Real World and decided it need shall we say a little "seasoning." So they busted up MTV and took matters into their own hands. Lets zoom in on a meeting while our "new staff" is looking at the bios for the newest series The Real World: Nosgoth. OH! And lets just pretend that the said to be cast don't know each other.

__

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(Camera zooms to vampire sitting at the head of the table. Rahab still hasn't gotten over his new found leadership)

Rahab: Now then let's review the following eight people we have chosen.

Dumah: I don't like 'um. It's going to be boring. (_Rolls his eyes. And flashes a "call me" sign to a girl standing be the door and gives her a knowing wink. Zephon slaps him to get him to focus)_

Malchiah: I think who we chose will be just dandy!_ (He seems some what over excited)_

Zephon: If you ever say "dandy" again we aren't brothers anymore.

__

(Malchiah looks slightly hurt)

Rahab: So whom do we favor for the show.

Dumah: I like the Umah girl. She had a nice rack!

__

(All of the other male vampires in the room grumble a "yes" while the female vampires are silently disgruntled)

Rahab: Yes I do agree about Uma. I think Raziel (Before fallen) and Kain (from Blood Omen 2) might make fine additions. 

Malchiah: They're both a bit cocky though.

Zephon: But think about the possibilities! _(His eyes gleam triumphantly.) _

Dumah: Did you take your medicine this morning Zephon?

__

(Zephon glares at Dumah)

Zephon: I have even better people to add! We NEED Janos, Vorador, and 

Mobieus. And what luck it is that they have no idea who any of them are. 

Malchiah: Ju' crazy Zeffie

Rahab: I like it! We should have them. So Malchiah who do you have to present to us for the show. 

(_The room turns it's full attention to Malchiah)_

Malchiah: Err……… two teenagers from Texas who are human

All: WHAT!

Dumah: Malchiah you idiot, the humans would be done for before the third episode.

Rahab: It could work.

Dumah: Lemme think about it _(Pauses for one second) _NO!

Zephon: It would add more to the show. I could see it.

Rahab: As long as we keep the fridge in their house stocked with blood the girls will be fine.

Dumah: Fine be that way but when someone decides to mix gasoline and a lit match don't count on me to save you.

Zephon: What DOES happens when you mix those though. HEY! LETS GO TRY IT!!!! _(Zephon almost makes it out of the room before Rahab grabs him)_

Rahab: Oh no you don't! Well that's it. This is THE REAL WORLD: NOSGOTH!

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(Staff room fades out to a black screen wit the words "The First Day" on it in white. Crowds of people are standing by a bus stop. Vorador is waiting nervous and anxious and is very surprised at who it is he sees.)

Vorador: (with a tear in his eye) Daddy?

Janos: Don't call me that! People might notice!

Vorador: Yes mommy!

Janos: (with a horrified look on his face) WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?!

Vorador: Nothing! Nothing at all sir.

Janos: Good

__

(The two vampires get into a green jeep and begin the drive to their new home. On the way…)

Vorador: So how did you end up on the show?

Janos: I wish for a female vampire sometimes too you know

Vorador: Finally we have something in common!

Janos: (_sighs) _at least I am NOT a pervert like you.

__

(Vorador smirks. Fade out from the jeep to a train station. A human girl is waiting somewhat nervously for someone from the show to come. Umah steps out of the train drawing men like flies to a lamplight)

Shira: Hi I'm Shira. You must be Umah. Jeez She looks like such a ho _(She mumbles)_

Umah: I heard that! _(Shira jumps out of surprise)_

Shira: Err…he he he. Why don't we get going! _(Umah gives her a look of hatred. They get into a taxi and speed off to the house. On the way Umah prepares herself in more ways then one)_

Shira:……¬_¬..._( thinking: either A: she is a whore or B: she is trying to get laid....yet either way ....ya she's a whore..or perhaps she is a child crying out for love and attention .....)_

Audience: OK WE GET THE POINT!!!

Shira: AAHHH OK OK SORRY BACK TO THE FIC

Umah: O_O _(Thinking: Something smells human! Why didn't I notice it before! That little brat is human. Hee hee he)_

Taxi Driver: There's evil afoot!

Umah: Shut up and drive you old fogey!

__

(Fade out from taxi. Fade into boat dock. Mobieus is waiting relaxed for someone to come. He is holding a cardboard sign that says "Real World" Marcy steps onto the dock and spots Mobieus. She waves and walks up to him)

Marcy: Hi I'm Marcy! So who are you!

Mobieus: _(blushes) _I'm Mobieus. Pleased to meet you. _(Marcy looks weirded out by him)_

Marcy: uh lets look for the cab

Mobieus: _(mumbling) _sure thing toots

Marcy: What was that!?!

Mobieus: Nothing. nothing at all 

Marcy: there is the car!! YAY!! *jumps a few times and then runs to the car*

(The car drives out to the house like all the other people and we fade to our last pair. Guess who!)

(Fade to a modernly decorated TV room. Before fallen Raziel is slumped lazily on the couch flipping channels and finally settles on Jerry Springer when the door bell rings. Blood Omen 2 Kain walks in. He doesn't care if no one answers. Kain sits on the couch and watches Jerry with Raziel. They have no idea of their relation to each other. Vorador and Janos walk in to the TV room. They are shocked out of their mind. If you haven't already figured 

it out they know that Kain is Raziel's father)

Vorador and Janos_: _Oh my god!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _(They fall down and roll over on the floor laughing their heads off. Strangely Kain and Raziel have not tore their heads of from the transvestite that married her pet chimp. Next Marcy, Mobieus, Umah, and Shira walk in. Marcy an obvious LOK fan sees Kain and goes spastic)_

Marcy: (Jumping up and down excitedly) You are Kain right?!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!

Kain: Who wants to know? (Never tearing his eyes off the set to look at Marcy)

Marcy: I do!!!!

Kain: Hmph! (Marcy wraps her arms around his neck. Kain looks up at her and throws her onto Vorador)

Vorador and Marcy: OOF!

Kain: The little brat was annoying me.

Vorador: You want to be my tenth bride? (Marcy slaps Vorador and quickly 

stands up and walks to where Shira is standing. Vorador follows her. Shira 

and Marcy meet each other and Shira hands her a coke)

Vorador: Why hello. I am Vorador and I do accept sexual favors.

Shira: (narrows her eyes) Why don't you go talk to Umah I'm pretty sure she will give plenty of favors. 

Marcy: Well I'm hungry! _( She walks to the fridge)_

All vampires: _(Looking at Marcy and Shira) _So are we! _(They all stand and move over to where Marcy and Shira are with a hungry look in their eyes)_

Marcy: _(Both Shira and her are scared by the vampires who are getting too close for comfort. Marcy opens the fridge and finds a huge stock of blood and a note) _NOW WAIT A SECOND!! _( The vampires back off a step. Shira snatches the note and begins to read out loud)_

Shira: Dear Real World Nosgoth, welcome to your new home. There are some ground rules we have set for you for safety purposes. DO NOT KILL THE TWO HUMAN GIRLS! There is enough blood in the fridge to keep you satisfied and if you do kill them there will be severe punishment from none other than the Olsen twins and we all know that is scary. There is a map to the market attached to this note so you can buy provisions.

Marcy: HA!!! In your face !! (She grabs a hamburger out of the fridge an jumps on the couch and steals the remote to watch Sailor Moon. She starts singing the theme song and Shira joins in)

Marcy and Shira: Fighting evil by moonlight. Winning love by daylight. Never running from a real fight. She is the one named Sailor Moon. WHACK! 

__

(Mobieus has just hit them both in the face with his snake staff out of pure annoyance. Marcy turns around very angrily and drop kicks him and walks over him and sits down to return to her show. Shira stands up and gives him a short kick and sits back down again.) 

Raziel: Hey! Look Mobieus got beat down by those two. What a wimp.

Kain: Heh! _(Mobieus stays on the ground for a while and then stands up and limps to his room. But not without glaring at Marcy and Shira first. After a while it gets late and Shira and Marcy are still watching TV. Shira yawns and gets up. Marcy eventually clicks off the TV. They walk into a black painted hall way with four doors with names painted on them.)_

Marcy: (Looking at a door that reads "Marcy and Kain". Her eyes widen with horror) I AM ROOMING WITH KAIN!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Kain: Someone call for me? (He sees the door with their names on it) I AM ROOMING WITH HER!!!! NOOOOOOOO (He gives her a dirty look) I hate you

Marcy: I am glad we feel the same way about each other! GOOD NIGHT! (She opens her room and shuts the door in his face)

Shira: (Sees a door with "Raziel and Shira" on it) Who on earth is Raziel

Raziel: That would be me ( He is suddenly noticed leaning coolly against the wall. He too sees the door and is unfazed) Admit it you think I'm totally sexy.

Shira: (obviously displeased by having to room with him) If you touch me I will pop a cap in your ass! 

Raziel: I can guarantee I wont try a thing but I'm not sure you wont!

Shira: Whatever! (She goes into her room and shuts the door. Fade out from the last scene to a black screen rolling credits in white. In other words THE END for the clueless)

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Comments: This story is an original idea of Marcy and Shira the TWO writers of this story. And until I can find a way to make both of our author's names show on the same story, just remember that it's not just my story but Shira's too. Main Typing was done by Shira. I talked to her and we made the story over the phone and IMing. oh and BTW if Kain really was in my room i sware I would be all over him!! I love him!! anyway, I hope you liked it..A LOT!! so I..WE will see ya later! R&R!


	2. Good Morning!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed!!

Hello Everyone!!! Back to our girls and boys at Nosgoth Real World!!

******************************************************************

Marcy: *yawn* Hmm ACK its 7:00 am ....Ah might as well take a shower, its to late to go back to sleep. 

She makes sure that Kain is asleep she then takes her cloths of and gets a towel and looks for the bathrooms (there are not a bathroom in each room). She goes into the middle of the hall and sees a little sigh on a door that says 'ye bathroom'. She opens the door to find two doors. She opens one door to find a Mobious in the shower singing the Ugly song. She shuts the door and feels like she might puke. She opens the other one and finds Vorador taking a shower who is also singing. She slams that door and waits. After 20 more minutes Vorador gets out.

Vorador: hehe why not come in here with me sweet cheeks.

Marcy: uhhh no. *goes threw the door and slams it on his nose*. 

V: OW!!

~*~ Meanwhile ~*~

S: *looks around dreary eyed all ready to take a shower.* I feel like shit.* she walks over to the shower. She takes the shower Mobious was in. * why does it smell like hemorrhoid cream in here? ..oh well shower time!! * gets into the shower.

M: hmmmm *knocks against the wall next to her * du du dudu du .......

S: hmm... *hears the knocking * uhhhhhh who is it?

M: *repeats* du du dudu du.....

S: ..wha?!?....

M: JUST KNOCK BACK MORON!

S:....ohhhhhhhhhh....du du du

M: there ya go. Now wuddup? * they both have a talk about how one snores and one holds a pillow while he sleeps.* 

S: * sings the Mission Imposable theme*

M: *after a while*...........................Shira..............

S: hmmmmm ya what?

M: SHUT UP!!

S: ACK! sorry gosh!!

M: *gets out of the shower finds that her cloths is gone* ...AHHHH WHERE ARE MY CLOTHS...A-AND MY TOWEL!! WHERE ARE THEY!!

The only thing she can do is run for it so that's what she does. She looks around each corner as she runs. she opens the door and doesn't even look in front of herself. She runs into a smirking topless Kain. 

M: OOF!! * looks up at Kain. Kain wraps his arms around her and goes in for a kiss she blushes furiously and closes her eyes. but he purposely misses and whispers in her ear*

K: you are so easy.... ahahhahhAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA.

M: *slaps Kain and runs for it*

K: hehe moron * he goes to take his shower*

~*~ Meanwhile~*~ 

*Shira gets out of the shower all nice and clean ^_^* 

S: ah I feel so clean!

* she goes to her room wrapped in a towel* 

Mob: Hiya there sexy thing ^_~

S:.........O_O.............* looks the other way and walks to her room slamming the door*

M: ahh she can't resist me.

S: ...bastard..

*Raziel walks in as Shira is getting dressed. They both just look at each other ( If you have seen the first few episodes of Ranma 1/2 then you would know exactly what I'm talking about) then they scream, blush and run to respective hiding places ( Raziel ran out the door). *

S: ...OMG!!!! Raziel saw me...AHHHH NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!!!

*Marcy runs into the room* 

M: SHIRA ARE YOU O-..uhh * looks away* you might want to get some cloths on.....

S: GGRRR get out Marcy!!

M: OK OK!! * goes away*

~*~ after that now fixing breakfast~*~

M: hehe I love doing this ^_^ 

Marcy cooks up some pancakes, eggs, bacon, soy pancakes *for Shira*, and all the items above with some of them being spiked with blood *for the vamps*. 

M: huuuuuuuuhhh* breaths in a deep breath*....COME AND GET IT!!!!

All: AHHHHHHHHH

M: hehe

*Umah comes down stairs wearing a small skimpy purple nightgown.. well more like a girders. She also has those stockings she wares all the time but she has those two strips connecting t her stockings to her girder. *

U: * yawn*

M: *stair*

U: what?!?

M:....nothin'.. so what will it be?

U: hmmm...I guess I'll have some......AH, Pancakes I'll have pancakes !

M: ok here ya go ^^

U: ..ewww look at them they are all dark red, yuck!!!

M:....uhh Umah, that's blood....

U OO - - (blink) OO ooohhhhhhhhh ok * crunches into one* u could use more blood.

M: -_- ...bitch..

U: wha?!

M: -_- nothing..

U:....uhh ok what ever! * valley girl voice*

M:...*imatating * What ever!

U: that is sooo not kewl.

M:...you know I could ....but I won't...I'm just gunna walk away and..*Bump*

S: HIYA MARCY!!

M: AACKKK!! Shira...

S: ya?

M:..I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!!!!

S: O_O ahhhh!

both of them run around the table in circles. Marcy has a spatula in her hand screaming.

* later while they are eating their*

here is the order *ehim* (clears throat)

(ok this is a round table so if someone seems on top some one then they are across. you'll figure it out)

Marcy Shira Raziel 

KainJanos

Umah Vorador Mobious 

soo there

Marcy keeps kicking Kain in the shin while Shira does the same to Raziel. 

K: ..CHILD YOU BETTER QUIT IT BEFORE I SHOVE THIS SOULREAVER UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!

M:.....god picky picky 

K: how is that being picky?!

M: dunno you just are! ^_^

K: Oo okkkkkkkk

S: * kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick*

R: STOP IT!!

S: nah ah!

R: *trys to strangle her* DIE FEND!! 

S: *ackkk * help me!!!

J: hits Raziel over the head with a frying pan* It's not nice to hurt a lady.

K: so why did you hit Raziel with a frying pan? * everyone but Raziel sniggered a bit*.

R: grrr -_- .....gramps....

K: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!

R: ........

K: Thats what I thought

R: *caugh* OLD MAN!

K: OK THATS IT!!

Kain and Raziel begin to brawl on the flore kicking, spitting and hitting each other vigorously. While some laugh others worry a bit.

**** afterwards*******

M: Hey Shira!!

S: *muffled* ya?

M: you wanna go out to the mall for a bit?

S: * till muffled* ya sure, one sec.

M:....Shira where are you and what are you doing?

S: *muffled* I'm in the closet

M: oh...why do you sound so muffled

S: because i have a breathing mask on, it smells like shit in here.

M:..ok just come down as fast as you can.

Marcy walks downstairs to see Kain on the couch snoring and Janos in a chair reading. Marcy looks over to Kain and walks over to him hovering over him. Wondering.....

M:.....* i wonder if he would feel me if i just...*

J: yes, Marcy he would. *looking down at his book never taking his eyes off of it, acting like he hasn't noticed anything or said anything.*

M: b-but how did you?..

J: I know you *looks up from his book* I know a great deal about you.

M: but how could you, i have only known you personaly for ...2 days.

J: trust me i have ways that write to my information.

M:...I don't think that made since.

J:..oh well.

M: *bends down over Kain* ..he looks soo piece full.......*leans in to..*

S: I'M READY ^_^ ^_^ ^_^_^_^_^_^_^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

m: O.o AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

Marcy falls on Kain waking him up to a interesting two round bubbles of flesh and cloth.

K: O.O........................* looks at the display on his face*....ummmmmm

M:....Ummm.. I,,uhhhhhh

K: .... umm please.....get off O//O *blushes*

M: *blushes*..s-s-sorry

K:...I have nothing to say except.....Shira..

S:,,,,Um...ya?

K & M: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!

Both Kain and Marcy run around the rooms chasing poor Shira who is running for her life. They keep running and lose Shira. They keep looking around. Shira throws something into a closet and both Kain and Marcy look into it. Shira drops behind them and kicks them in the butt forcing both of them inside of the closet. Then she closes the door on them and locks it. 

S: heheeh lets see you get out of there!!!!!!

K:.........damn her I can't touch it

M: why not?

K: She has doesed it with Holy Water.

M:...damn

K: Maybe I can ram your head into the door and then we both can be free ^_^

M:...you hurt me and you die.

K:...I'm not scared you know that right?

M:..ya

K: I'm getting thirsty, its time for dinner and no blood to spare. 

???: AHAHHAHHAHAH you stuck in there Kain?

K: ...MOEBIOUS GET ME OUT OF HERE OR SO HELP ME!!!

Moe: Now why would I help you? Hmm your stuck because that is holy water. Hehehe. I have an idea, how about I give you a drink of some more Holy Water? I mean you must be famished!! 

K:NOOO MOE!!

Moebious blasts a ton of Holy Water into the closet. This closet is pretty high so Kain would be farely ok concedering the coat bar. He grabs onto the coat bar and hangs. Marcy just sits in the holy water. 

M: ...great..I'm soked!

K: O.O I MIGHT DIE!!

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WE WILL FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENDS ON THE NEXT EPIC OF NOSGOTH REAL WORLD!!!!!

by the way can someone give me the real spelling of Moebius's name i don't know if i'm spelling it right.


End file.
